


Hellfire

by justromandaydreams



Series: tis one thing to be tempted (another thing to fall) [3]
Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Freeform, Kind of dark, less focussed on Charles/Lewis, religious motifs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-30
Updated: 2019-06-30
Packaged: 2020-05-31 12:08:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19425685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justromandaydreams/pseuds/justromandaydreams
Summary: Twice he’s been buoyed by hope only to have it ripped from within him, leaving a horrible empty ache behind.





	Hellfire

Life isn’t fair. Charles knows this. Hell, he lives it. You lose races. It happens. There are worse things to lose.

But god, if it wasn’t still all too painful

A deep ache gnaws away at him as if trying to hollow him out. It’s been there since Bahrain.

Comforting hugs only make it worse. They just make him yearn for embraces from the two people he can never again have.

At least not in this lifetime. 

After Austria Charles fears that the ache might consume him. And for a moment it does.

Watching Max celebrate a win. Watching him celebrate with his father.

One thing he has yet to do and one thing he will never get to do.

It’s torturous.

People may think he is a bad sport on the podium, but he will not beg their forgiveness. Twice a win has slipped from his fingers. Twice he’s been buoyed by hope only to have it ripped from within him, leaving the horrible empty ache behind.

He feels alone on that podium.

Exposed. Vulnerable.

Every time he’d had Lewis up there with him. There was something comforting, if not slightly intimating about the Mercedes driver’s presence. His touches were reassuring. The way he looked at Charles made him feel special, valuable. 

Now he just feels hollow.

Charles accepts the second-place trophy with as much grace as he can muster.

May God absolve him his of his sins.

Why must he be happy when he’s not? Is it not also a sin to lie?

At least after Bahrain Lewis acknowledged him. Shook his hand. But Max can’t seem to be bothered. The lion too prideful.

No penalty given. No position regained. No love lost.

Charles feels a burn, a spark of anger. But for once it is not with himself or his team.

Mattia consoles him after the race. He clearly cares. In a personal way. Almost a fatherly way. And Charles finds some solace in it.

Maybe he shouldn’t. After all, Sebastian is still the favored driver.

But Charles aches. And a hug and ruffle of the hair from his team boss dulls that ache.

He doesn’t see Lewis after the race and tries not to think too much of it. The Brit had struggled this weekend. He would clearly be busy with his team.

Why should he make time for a non-race winner?

It stung. It shouldn’t. But it does.

Even Sebastian tries to comfort him. Charles is surprised by the pain he sees in his teammate’s eyes.

But the German has always been kind to him. Perhaps he shouldn’t be so shocked. They may be competitors, but they are also teammates.

He and Sebastian had lost a weekend that could have been theirs. But Charles can sense that between them an angry, dark, determination burns. 

Ferrari will come back blazing. And together they will drive fueled by fire. The silver arrows may be too far ahead, but even the most determined bull (or lion) would not last against two red hot prancing horses of the apocalypse. Nothing burns longer and stronger than bitterness.

The light of heaven has not shown down upon them. So now they will drive with the fires of hell.

No saint, no angel shall he be.

Nothing comes easy or without sacrifice. Charles knows this.

But as he watches Max surrounded by his team, and family he can’t help but feel bitter. Max was a number one driver and a race winner.

What had the Dutchman ever lost? What had he ever grieved?

Charles derives a dark satisfaction when he remembers Max still doesn’t have a pole position. Well, you can’t have it all.

His aspirations of beating Lewis come from a place of respect for the five-time world champion. Admiration does not dampen his ambition.

But now Max is his target. Max who sits twenty-one points ahead of him in the championship. Twenty-one points out that Charles will earn back. He will beat the Dutchman on principle and in his own fashion. Max can have this win. He knows his time will come. 

The war has just begun.

**Author's Note:**

> Well, that race was eventful. This one is slightly less freeform but I think anger would really clarify/streamline Charles' thoughts. Comment below what you think.


End file.
